Arthro Theoreio (The BOX) v.1.0.158

Technical Support stories

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect 
Customer Support employee with a 
caller:


"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I 
help you?"

"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with 
WordPerfect."

"What sort of trouble?"

"Well, I was just typing along, and 
all of a sudden the words went away."

"Went away?"

"They disappeared."

"Hmm. So what does your screen look 
like now?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"It's blank; it won't accept anything
when I type."

"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did 
you get out?"

"How do I tell?"

"Can you see the C: prompt on the 
screen?"

"What's a sea-prompt?"

"Never mind. Can you move the cursor 
around on the screen?"

"There isn't any cursor, I told you, 
it won't accept anything I type."

"Does your monitor have a power 
indicator?"

"What's a monitor?"

"It's the thing with the screen on it 
that looks like a TV. Does it have a 
little light that tells you when
it's on?"

"I don't know."

"Well then, look on the back of the 
monitor and find where the power cord 
goes into it. Can you see that?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, 
and tell me if it's plugged into the 
wall."

"... ...Yes, it is."

"When you were behind the monitor, did 
you notice that there were two cables 
plugged into the back of it, not
just one?"

"No."

"Well, there are. I need you to look 
back
there again and find the other cable."

"... ...Okay, here it is."

"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's 
plugged securely into the back of your 
computer."

"I can't reach."

"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

"No."

"Even if you maybe put your knee on 
something and lean way over?"

"Oh, it's not because I don't have 
the right angle -
it's because it's dark."

"Dark?"

"Yes - the office light is off, and 
the only light I have is coming in 
from the window."

"Well, turn on the office light 
then."

"I can't."

"No? Why not?"

"Because there's a power outage."

"A power... A power outage?!? Ah, 
Okay, we've got it
licked now. Do you still have the 
boxes and manuals
and packing stuff your computer 
came in?"

"Well, yes, I keep them in the 
closet."

"Good. Go get them, and unplug 
your system and pack it
up just like it was when you got 
it. Then take it back
to the store you bought it from."

"Really? Is it that bad?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it is."

"Well, all right then, I suppose. 
What do I tell
them?"

"Tell them you're too stupid to own 
a computer."

Installing LOVE

Installing Love

TECH SUPPORT: Yes, ... how can I help 
you?

CUSTOMER: Well, after much 
consideration, I've decided
to install Love. Can you guide me 
though the process?

TECH SUPPORT: Yes. I can help you. 
Are you ready to proceed?

CUSTOMER: Well, I'm not very technical
but I think
I'm ready. What do I do first?

TECH SUPPORT: The first step is to 
open your Heart. Have you located your 
Heart?

CUSTOMER: Yes, but there are several 
other programs
running now. Is it okay to install Love
while they are running?

TECH SUPPORT: What programs are 
running?

CUSTOMER: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, 
Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment
running right now

TECH SUPPORT: No problem, Love will 
gradually erase Past Hurt from your 
current operating system. It may
remain in your permanent memory but 
it will no longer
disrupt other programs. Love will 
eventually override
Low Self-Esteem with a module of 
its own called High
Self- Esteem. However, you have to 
completely turn off
Grudge and Resentment. Those programs 
prevent Love
from being properly
installed. Can you turn those off?

CUSTOMER: I don't know how to turn 
them off. Can you tell me how?

TECH SUPPORT: With pleasure. Go to 
your start menu and
invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many 
times as necessary
until Grudge and Resentment have been 
completely erased.

CUSTOMER: Okay, done! Love has started
installing itself. Is that normal?

TECH SUPPORT: Yes, but remember that 
you have only the
base program. You need to begin 
connecting to other
Hearts in order to get the upgrades.

CUSTOMER: Oops! I have an error message 
already. It
says, "Error - Program not run on 
external components." 
What should I do?

TECH SUPPORT: Don't worry. It means 
that the Love
program is set up to run on Internal 
Hearts, but has
not yet been run on your Heart. In 
non-technical
terms, it simply means you have to 
Love yourself
before you can Love others.

CUSTOMER: So, what should I do?

TECH SUPPORT: Pull down 
Self-Acceptance; then click on
the following files: Forgive-Self; 
Realize Your Worth;
and Acknowledge your Limitations.

CUSTOMER: Okay, done.

TECH SUPPORT: Now, copy them to the 
"My Heart"
directory. The system will overwrite 
any conflicting
files and begin patching faulty 
programming. Also, you
need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism 
from all directories and empty your 
Recycle Bin to make sure it
is completely gone and never comes back.

CUSTOMER: Got it. Hey! My heart is 
filling up with new
files. Smile is playing on my monitor 
and Peace and
Contentment are copying themselves all 
over My Heart.
Is this normal?

TECH SUPPORT: Sometimes. For others it 
takes awhile,
but eventually everything gets it at 
the proper time.
So Love is installed and running. 
One more thing
before we hang up. Love is Freeware. 
Be sure to give
it and its various modules to everyone 
you meet. Th ey
will in turn share it with others and 
return some cool
modules back to you.

CUSTOMER: Thank you, God.

Who? Me?

1.COMPLETE THIS PHRASE: "I COULD BE.."
= Anything that I want to be....

2.WHAT IS THE WALLPAPER ON YOUR
CELLPHONE?
= it's Actually blank right now for me simplicity is still THE best style

3.DID YOU GET ENOUGH SLEEP LAST
NIGHT?
= actually yes, but not like when I was still in Highschool

4.FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT ABOUT THIS
MORNING WHEN YOU WOKE UP?
= Don't know... I have the tendency to disregard things that I think is irrelevant or not important

5.WHAT DO YOU HAVE AT YOUR BEDSIDE?
= A stock of books and my radio.

6. EVER TRIED TO SKIP MEAL?
= yes, specially if I don't like the food.

7. GRILLED OR FRIED?
= Grilled, it's healthier

8. WHAT MAKES YOU UNIQUE TO OTHERS?
= I don't know, mabye it's my skills in Computers and many more... as you may put it "jack of all trades"

9. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?
= No...

10. FAVORITE HANGOUT?
= Pamahay and Halo-halo stall ni Manang (I miss my Classmates in SVDPA...)

11. PEOPLE YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT?
= family and my friends specially the Seniors Batch of 04-05, and The TRIAD

12. FIRST THING YOU WILL BUY IF GIVEN 1
THOUSAND DOLLARS?
= A big and powerfull Computer and a better computer chair.

13. FAVORITE SONG WHEN YOU'RE
SLEEPY?
= mostly classics like mozart and chopin.

14. WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? ...
= Fear itself...

15. ARE YOU A GIVER OR TAKER?
= mostly i'm a Giver...

16. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
= mostly just my first name

17. WHAT IS YOUR DAD'S MIDDLE NAME?
= Valenzuela

18. MOST RECENT MOVIE THAT YOU
WATCHED AND WITH WHOM?
= The fast and the furious 3 the final ride (alone)

19. INVISIBLE FOR A DAY, WHAT WOULD
YOU DO?
= I'd try to be with my friends and spend more time with them

20. STUCK ON A DESERT ISLAND & COULD
HAVE ONLY ONE KIND OF FOOD FOR THE
REST OF YOUR LIFE, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
= Meat.

21. FAVORITE TV COMMERCIAL?
= right now? the Chippy ( the one with TEAR here..)

22. IF YOU WERE DEAD AND YOUR SOUL
WAS GIVEN A CHANCE TO STAY FOR ONE
DAY WHAT WOULD YOU do??
= again spend more time with my friends

24. YOUR EYE COLOR?
= i really don't know nice question though, I think it's brown

25. WHAT ARE THE THINGS YOU ALWAYS
BRING? = a Pen, watch,wallet and keys

26. WHAT DID YOU WANNA BE WHEN YOU
WERE A KID?
= everything

27. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY DO WHEN THE
CLOCK TURNS 7 AM?
= studying and checking mails while listening to the "morning RUSH"

28. THE COLOR OF YOUR BEDSHEET?
= stipes (orange, white and blue)

29. WHO YOU WANT TO MEET?
= Kristing kreuk, the POPE and Emma watson

30. HOW'S LIFE TODAY?
= Fine!